Pieces of My Heart
by Creek-IB-08
Summary: The 5th in the 'Pieces' series. - Booth continues to make progress regaining his memory while he and Brennan deal with the possible repercussions of their brief kiss.


**Pieces of My Heart**

**A Bones Fanfic**

**By Amanda**

**Sequel to ****Falling to Pieces****, ****Picking up the Pieces****, **

**Putting the Pieces Back Together****, and ****Bits and Pieces**

**Spoilers for all four seasons (I think), but most are vague. **

**No copyright infringement intended. I only own the story line.**

*~BONES~*

They returned 'home' fifteen minutes after they had left the Hoover building and fell into a routine that had been set in the short time they had stayed together since he was released from the hospital. He went to relax in the living room, as per her orders, while she went to the kitchen to find something to eat. The domesticated routine did not go unnoticed by either partner, but like the kiss earlier neither commented on it.

Booth watched the TV unseeingly. He kept replaying the day in his head. That morning he had been overwhelmed by, well he wasn't even sure what it had been. There had been too many fragmented memories to keep track of, let alone recall. Then he had remembered the thing with Cam about Bones. Taking the time to think about it now, he could see the shock clearly evident on the woman's face as she realized that Booth's loyalties lay with the woman she couldn't stand. The bits he had recalled on the platform a while later had been more pleasant. Remembering how the team worked so well together was good for him. He guessed it was still the same, but had noticed that there was a different energy now. Maybe that was because he wasn't 'normal' or maybe it was because Zach was gone. Whatever the reason, it had bothered him some.

That afternoon he had recovered some more significant memories and shared a secret that he was sure he had never had any intention of ever sharing. He had also discovered some feelings that he was pretty sure had been there, but hiding for a long time. Actually, he knew they had been there a long time, because even when he hadn't remembered her, he had felt drawn to her and craved her presence. It was as if she was a part of him, as cliché as that sounded even in his head, it was true. That second day in the hospital, when he had woken with her in his arms, he had known somehow that he loved her more than life itself. He had also made himself a promise then. He had promised that he would act on his feelings when he started making real progress regaining his memory. Well, now he had. He was a little worried that she had yet to say anything about it though. The drive home had been silent, not uncomfortably so, but still silent. Shaking himself out of his thoughts, he turned his attention to what was playing on the TV, a hockey game.

Meanwhile, Brennan was in the kitchen trying desperately to focus on the task at hand. Her mind kept flashing back to two things. Oddly enough, both had taken place in his office. The first was the startling confession of what had transpired with the Mala Muerte gang leader. She had known at the time that beating the crap out of him at the FBI building was probably not the smartest thing she had ever done, but she had to. She had to stand up for herself; she had made a promise after all. But she had never expected that he would order a hit out on her for it. It's not like she had embarrassed him in front of his gang. And Booth! She had been very upset at the time that he had missed the service. Then he had shown up claiming he had had to finish something. Now she felt bad for having been upset. He had been late because he had been doing what he always had, protecting her. She was a little surprised at the lengths he went to though. When he had first told her what he had done, she had been mad. No worse than mad, but not because he had felt he needed to protect her. The fact of the matter was she had been mad he had taken such a risk, putting his life and career in jeopardy. This new development scared her quite frankly. Granted, it wasn't the first time she had felt that way but it bothered her that he had done so much for her and she had never known.

The second thing that seemed to be running on a continuous loop was the kiss. Thinking back over the years, she guessed she shouldn't be surprised. There had been something between them almost from the start. She knew that everyone thought she was oblivious, but she didn't miss the looks or flirting or subtle hints. She chose to ignore them for several reasons. The primary one being that she was afraid to lose what they had if she acted on it. Everyone she had ever loved ( her parents, her brother, Sully, Michael, David, she could go on)had left her eventually, or she had left. She was not very good at the whole commitment thing. Besides, they disagreed on so many things that it could not have possibly worked and if it had blown up in her face, well she didn't want to think about that. Another reason had been the 'line' he had talked about, the one that couldn't be crossed between coworkers. He had reinforced it several times over the years with lectures on people you just couldn't have sex with because there were too many strings. So she had ignored the feelings she felt and the hints from him for her own sanity. Now he had gone and threatened all of her hard work with one kiss that hadn't even lasted for a full steamboat. The last kiss that they had shared had been a little easier to ignore. She was able to rationalize it as a tradition and a payment of sorts for Caroline. With that kiss she could pretend that there were no romantic feelings. This time, rational was not an option. Try as she might, there was nothing that she could use to explain it away. She tried to convince herself that Booth was just grateful or confused or something along those lines, but it didn't work and that scared her. Because now if he decided he wanted to pretend it hadn't happened, she wasn't sure that she could.

*~BONES~*

She was broken out of her thoughts by the TV announcing the score of a hockey game. Glancing at the clock she was shocked that a full twenty minutes had passed and she was still standing in front of the pantry. She shook her head, closed the door and opened the drawer that housed his takeout menus. At this rate, she would never manage to make them anything suitable. Walking around to the living room with menus in hand she stopped short to watch Booth a moment. He was far too relaxed considering there was a game on. She carefully approached him only to find him seemingly lost in his own mind. "Booth" she called hesitantly.

"Is dinner ready?" he asked looking at her, his eyes still not quite focused.

"No, I decided to order takeout. Do you have any preferences?" she asked holding out the menus.

He glanced over them for a moment before selecting the menu from his favorite Chinese restaurant, outside of Wong Fu's of course. She nodded taking the menu back and heading for the phone. There was no need to ask what he wanted, if anything they were creatures of habit. On the paper menu notes had been written in the margins noting the dishes that Booth, Parker, and Brennan liked. She noted that all of the menus had similar makings. Seeing her name in the midst of his and his son's caused the same warm feeling she had felt at the mention of 'home' to flow through her. Laughing at her insanity, she picked up the phone and quickly placed their order before returning to the couch.

"So, what are you thinking about?" she asked noticing that once again, he was not actually watching the game on the TV.

"What?" he asked turning to her.

"I asked what you were thinking about."

"Oh. Well, I was thinking about today" he answered simply.

She waited a few moments for him to elaborate, but he didn't. "Anything in particular?" she finally prompted.

He was silent for a minute waging an internal battle before he decided to answer her honestly. "I was thinking about everything that's happened today really; the things I remembered. But mostly I was thinking about what happened in my office just before we left" he confessed barely above a whisper.

"So was I" she admitted after a beat of silence.

"I think we should probably talk about it Bones."

"It is ok if you regret it" she quickly interrupted. "I know that you are overwhelmed and confused right now and I don't blame you. I am sure that it is natural to …" she trailed off looking at her lap, hoping that he wasn't going to say it was all a mistake, but afraid he was. If it was just a result of him being mixed-up, she would have to pretend to be unaffected. She knew she could do it, 'it wouldn't be the first time' she thought flashing back to the mistletoe kiss , 'it will just be harder' she silently admitted.

Booth studied her face as she spoke, trying to read what she was not saying. Was she trying to tell him _she_ regretted it and wanted to pretend it had never happened? Or was she just afraid? Lifting her chin with a bent finger he met her gaze. As he studied her face, memories of a similar occasion flitted in the back of his mind; standing outside the dinner assuring her there was more than one kind of family. The look on her face practically broke his heart. She was afraid he didn't mean it; she was terrified he would take it back. "Oh Bones" he whispered pulling her into a strong embrace. "Of course I don't regret it and it has absolutely nothing to do with me being confused."

Bones smiled into his neck feeling twenty pounds lighter. She hadn't even realized that her heart had literally been weighed down with her uncertainty and fear. It wasn't a declaration of eternal love, it wasn't a promise that everything would be perfect, but for now it was enough. "Good" was the only thing she could think to say. As she wrapped her arms around him, she laughed a truly happy laugh and he joined in.

Their moment was interrupted however, by the doorbell. Reluctantly moving away from him, Bones made her way to the door to pay for the food. She reentered the room holding a bag filled with cartons of Chinese food.

The two ate as they watched the rest of the game and talked a little about the things he had remembered that day.

*~BONES~*

Around 11 that night, Booth was woken from where he had fallen asleep on the couch by the phone. Groaning he just managed to pick it up without bothering Bones who was using his chest as a pillow. "Hello?" he asked groggily.

"Seeley? How are you? Sorry I hadn't called earlier, but I just got the message. What happened?" the voice on the other end rambled.

"Jared, do you have any idea what time it is here?" Booth was more awake now, but a little more than slightly irritated by his brother's late night call.

"Sorry man, I just stopped in at the embassy and there was an urgent message left for me by Brennan telling me to call. What happened? Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm ok. What do you know already?" Seeley asked trying to gauge where to start and how deeply he would have to get into this tonight.

"Not much. The message just said that Brennan had taken you to the hospital and I should call as soon as I could" Jared informed the older Booth.

Seeley sighed preparing himself for the conversation ahead. He almost wished that Bones was the one dealing with this. "It's a complicated story, so don't interrupt ok?" After securing Jared's promise he continued. "Bones took me to the hospital because I was hallucinating. Turns out I had a benign brain tumor. They did surgery to remove it and were successful, but there were problems with the anesthesia and I was in a coma for four days. I'm fine now, except that as a result of the coma, I got amnesia and lost the last five years."

Jared couldn't believe it. His older brother had a brain tumor? Seeley was supposed to be invincible, just look at what happened with the Gravedigger and when he was shot. Then again his luck must be holding out if they got the brain tumor out and everything was fine. But everything was not fine, Seeley had amnesia. Jared couldn't even begin to imagine what it would be like to wake up and not remember the last five years of his life. Before he could gather his thoughts enough to think of anything to say he heard, "It's just Jared. Go back to sleep Bones." This new tidbit of information gave him a starting place.

"Brennan's there with you? What's going on with the two of you?" Jared asked.

"I tell you I had a brain tumor, brain surgery, and amnesia and the first thing you ask about is my relationship with Bones?" Booth asked incredulously with a little humor belying his irritation.

"Well, you said you were fine. And what was I supposed to say? 'How the hell did you get a brain tumor?' or how about 'What's it like to have amnesia?' Besides, the Brennan thing is more interesting. When I left you two were still denying you were anything more than 'just partners'."

"After everything that's happened, we realized differently, ok? It's been a hard week for us."

"Wait, you said you lost five years" Jared interrupted.

"Yeah, and your point is?"

"You didn't meet Brennan until four years ago."

"I know that. Like I said it's been a hard week." Booth glanced down at the woman lying in his arms, making sure she was asleep before continuing, "I think it's been harder for her though. She waited by my side for the four days I was in the coma and when I woke up, I didn't even remember her. I can't even imagine what I would do if it was the other way around. She disappeared for about a half hour when the doctor showed up, then she came back and acted like everything was ok. I don't know how she did it."

On his end Jared shook his head in disbelief at how strong Brennan really was. "But everything's ok now?" he asked.

"Yeah, the memories are coming back. And I will probably be back at work by the end of next week."

"You never did know how to take it easy did you? Hey, do you need me to come back or anything?"

"No, you stay in India. How is it there anyway?" Booth asked happy to shift the conversation away from him for a while.

*~BONES~*

Half an hour later, Booth hung up the phone and contemplated if he should wake Bones or just carry her to bed. The decision was made for him though when she opened her eyes when he tried to shift her weight off of him so he could stand up. "What's going on?" she asked barely awake.

"I was just about to take you to bed. Come on" he prompted holding his hands out to pull her to her feet. Yawning she allowed him to pull her up and lead the way to the bedroom.

"How's Jared?" she asked as she crawled under the covers.

"He's good. He's having a lot of fun over there, and so far he hasn't gotten into any trouble."

"That's good" she replied already half asleep again.

"Yeah, it is" he agreed as he pulled her already sleeping form to him kissing the crown of her head. "Goodnight Bones".

Tired as he was though, Booth couldn't force himself back to sleep. Instead he lay there and stared at the ceiling. His mind was processing what Booth could only assume were memories but none of it made any sense. He was standing on a pier watching Bones wave off some boat named after her. He was standing in front of nearly empty bleachers trying to talk a man out of shooting himself. He was staring at a holographic image that made his blood run cold and he had to find Bones. He and Bones were trapped in a room with a high pitched noise crushing their skulls. He was shooting a clown's head on an ice cream truck. He was looking through the trap door of an elevator at a mess of human remains. He was staring into a purple pool containing floating body parts. He was knocking Bones to the ground to shield her from a bomb. He and Bones were sitting on a bench watching Parker on the carousel. Bones was handcuffed to a bench watching two men drive away. He and Bones were standing in the doorway of a hospital room watching a family with a sick daughter.

It was times like this, when nothing seemed to fit that drove him crazy. Images that had no connection other than him being there, and usually Bones too, flying by like a slide show in quick succession and no understanding. Sometimes, if he focused hard enough, he could stop the progression of images just long enough to place the other, less familiar faces. Sometimes he could figure out where the image takes place or why, if only vaguely, it's important. Sighing, Booth once again closed his eyes and hoped for sleep. As he started to drift off yet another series of memories came upon him. These however were more detailed.

He was lying in a hospital bed and Bones was wearing a pretty dress, she left to go on her date with … well someone, but returned less than a minute later claiming her head hurt and she would just stay with him to watch some TV.

A late session with Sweets and Bones is in another pretty dress ready for another date. This one however was canceled on her and she thinks relationships are all temporary at best. He tells her "There is someone you're meant to spend the rest of your life with. You just have to be open enough to see it." At the time he says it he wishes she could see that he's talking about _them_, but knows she doesn't.

There's a knock at the door and he answers it while buttoning up his shirt. He's surprised to find Bones there coffee in hand. To his horror, although he doesn't know why, a leggy blonde (he can't remember her name now, Tara, Tessa, it doesn't matter) comes out wearing only one of his dress shirts to see him off.

Now he's knocking at her door in the morning with coffee. Bones answers the door in a silky robe and bed hair. She takes the coffee and a man comes out of her room wearing only a towel. Booth is jealous and wishes he were anywhere else but is glad to be dragging her away from him.

Booth is standing in an apartment, Bones' he thinks, with another man (the same one from the hospital) and sees a manuscript for Bones' latest book. He notices the title he disliked is crossed out and the book's dedicated to him. The three toast with beer but the carefree attitude ends abruptly at the voice on the answering machine.

Bones is in the hospital and he barges in ignoring the nurse telling him he 'can't go in there' and makes his way to Bones, examining her face for himself. She says something about telling him not to come, but she's hurt of course he came.

He's in her office and gets a call from her asking him to come to New Mexico and 'Get federal on their asses.' This makes him smile and he promises to be there as soon as possible.

He's sitting at the counter at Wong Fu's and looking at a picture of a young Bones. She looks happy, really truly happy in a way he's never seen her. He promises himself he'll help her find out what happened to her parents.

They have just found her mother and as much as she hides it and denies it, he knows she's falling apart inside. So he shows up at her place at one in the morning with Chinese food and a charming smile.

The pieces continued to float through his consciousness as he drifted off to sleep. The last coherent thought he had is that none of these memories have anything to do with work. They were definitely more than partners and had been for a long time.

*~BONES~*

Brennan woke before the sun, as usual, the next morning. Lying in bed with her head resting where his shoulder meets his neck she thought back to what had started this. She had never been more scared in her life as when he had started talking to nothing in that interrogation room. Actually, if she was honest with herself, that was not entirely true. She had been just as scared when Booth lay battered and burnt after being thrown across her kitchen by that bomb, and as she kneeled next to him trying to stem the flow of blood from the hole in his shoulder, and when he was trapped by the Gravedigger with time running out. She only paused momentarily to consider two thoughts before pushing them to the back of her mind. The first was that she was more afraid when Booth was in danger than when she was. The second was that their lives were far too dangerous in and of themselves.

She was mad at herself that she hadn't realized something was wrong before she did. He was seeing dead people! But the first was easy to contribute to a head injury. The second was just as easy to explain away. He was under a lot of stress and had been injected with who knows what kind of drugs. If seeing a dead friend helped him get off that ship, who was she to complain? In truth she was grateful and would be inclined to believe that Teddy was some kind of guardian angel as long as Booth was safe. Still she was a scientist and should have known better. Maybe if she had taken him to the hospital sooner things would have turned out differently. Maybe he wouldn't have suffered from amnesia.

Then again, if it hadn't happened the way that it had, what were the chances that she would be lying where she was? She knew that they had had feelings for each other for a long time, but neither had been willing to admit it, even after all of the traumatic things they had been through. If those things hadn't pushed them into action, what were the chances that either would have acted over a simple benign brain tumor? Even now she wasn't entirely sure what it was that had prompted him to kiss her. She was still not entirely sure that he would not decide to take it back once he regained all of his memories. Maybe at the moment he didn't remember about the line and why _he_ felt it was so important. Maybe he didn't remember all of the differences and difficulties between them.

Those thoughts firmly in mind she made a decision. When he woke up, they would have a serious talk about the kiss and what it meant. When they had tried that last night they hadn't gotten any farther than him saying he didn't regret it. Still, not regretting something and wanting to continue something were not necessarily the same thing. Before she got too carried away in the things she was feeling, she had to tell him about everything. She had make sure that he knew all about the line and the differences. He had to know what he was getting into. If this was going to work, he had to know everything about both of them and their lives. Bones shivered involuntarily before pulling away from Booth's warm body to make some coffee. She was sure they would both need it this morning. Besides, she needed to get some distance from him so she could organize her thoughts. As much as she didn't want to, she would have to tell him every reason they should not be together and every reason that they weren't already and every reason that they wouldn't work. Then she would have to sit back and hope that he recognized what she was doing and that she wanted this more than anything.

*~BONES~*

Two hours later, Booth woke to a cold bed. Looking blearily at the clock next to the bed, he was surprised to see it was already 9. Stretching, he pulled himself out of bed and walked out of the room to find Bones. He found her sitting at his dining room table with a pad of paper and a now cold cup of coffee. "Morning Bones. Working on your book?" he asked.

Startled by his unexpected presence, Brennan jumped when Booth addressed her. "No, this is something more important" she said not lifting her head from the paper. "There should still be some coffee."

Booth was confused and a little concerned about the seriousness in his partner's tone, but he got himself a much needed cup of coffee before sitting down across from her at the table. "What's going on Bones?"

"We need to talk and I need you to listen to me, not just argue. This is important."

"Ok" Booth replied hesitantly, "What do we need to talk about?"

"Us" was the simple answer. Booth blanched a little at the detached tone she used and the suddenness of the conversation. So far they had shared only one kiss and she already wanted to have _the conversation_. Then again, this was Bones and he was sure that she had never done anything in the normal way in her life.

"What about us Bones?" he asked cautiously.

Finally she looked up and Booth could see the myriad of emotions swirling in their blue depths. So despite the early hour and his reluctance, Booth decided that he would take this conversation as seriously as she seemed to want to make it.

"There are some … some things that you need to know before we start anything. I don't know what all you remember right now, but there are some things you _have to_ know before you decide if you want to have a relationship with me or just leave it as it is." Brennan's blue eyes bored into his brown ones trying to convey the truth she knew was inherent in that simple declaration.

"Ok, why don't you tell me then?"

Brennan took a deep breath and looked needlessly down at the pad of paper. She had memorized the list at least an hour ago, but it gave her something to focus on other than him. She figured she'd start with the simplest point first. "To start with, you told me that there is a line that some people can't cross. A line that coworkers shouldn't cross. I don't really know all of your reasonings, but you were very adamant about the -" she stopped abruptly when she noticed him trying to hide a smile behind his coffee cup. "Is this funny to you?!" she demanded.

"No Bones, I promise you it's not funny. I was just thinking that I have regretted saying anything about that damn line since it came out of my mouth. That was just a reaction I had to what happened to Cam. I thought that it would have been easier to deal with her being hurt if we had never dated. I was afraid that if something happened to you I wouldn't be able to handle it."

"You remember that?" she asked searching his face to see if he was telling the truth or just making excuses.

"Yes I remember that. We were sitting in the park watching Parker on the carousel" he added to emphasize his point. "What else is on that list?" he asked teasingly. If all of her objections were like this, it would be a piece of cake.

"We work together" Brennan started deciding to deal with related topics.

"I'm aware of that Bones. It would be hard to be partners if we didn't" he teased.

"Booth! I need you to take this seriously."

"Sorry, I'll try I promise. So … we work together."

"Yes we work together. Do you really think we would be able to keep our personal and professional lives separate? Because we would have to, to a certain extent. And what if us having a romantic relationship meant we couldn't be partners Booth? What we do, solving murders, it's important. And you once told me that if you take one of us, any of us away, …" she trailed off not wanting to get sidetracked with memories of the Gravedigger.

"You and Hodgins are in that hole forever," Booth whispered. The memories were still painful for him and he tried not to think about any of the times Bones' life had been in danger because of her, _their_, job.

Brennan's head shot up as he finished her thought. Apparently more of his memory was back than she knew. If he remembered that conversation, she dreaded to know what else had surfaced. In a way she had hoped that some of the horrible things they had been through never had to be remembered. She was curious as to what else he remembered, but now was not the time. "Exactly. We are the center Booth, 'and the center must hold'. Is it really worth it to risk that for a romantic relationship?" she asked herself as much as Booth. She continued on, however not giving him time to respond. "And if we were to start dating, what would happen in the field the next time someone has a gun? It would be too dangerous for either of us to be distracted by our concern for each other in the field. If we lose focus, one of us could die."

This time he took a moment to gather his thoughts and prepare a rational argument to plead his case. He only had one chance of convincing her, and he had to make it count. "Bones, you can't honestly tell me that you don't have feelings for me and I can't say I don't care about you. I have for a long time now. And we have been in too many situations where one or both of us could have been hurt or killed." Here he paused gauging her reaction. Seeing that she was at the very least accepting the logic behind what he had already said, he continued. "If the feelings I have for you were going to compromise us in the field, they would have already. And I think that they way we feel about each other makes us a better, stronger, more dedicated team. All of us, even the squints. We're a family Bones and we look out for each other. If we didn't love each other the way we do, we would have given up on finding you and Hodgins, or not found you when Kenton took you. Or you all wouldn't have found me on the ship. We are better because we care about each other."

Bones was shocked. She had never really thought about it like that, but he made a good point. The feelings they all had for each member of the team is what kept them all together and made them so good. If it wasn't for that connection, she, Hodgins, and Booth would probably be dead, Angela would have left a long time ago, and Zach, well Zach probably wouldn't have gotten the chances he did. Wiping a tear that had formed in the corner of her eye thinking about what might have been, Bones sighed. "Fine" she conceded, "but what if we break up? What happens to us and the team then?" she countered.

"There's an easy solution to that problem" he answered. At her curious gaze he continued, "We just never break up."

"Booth, it is impossible to say that nothing will ever happen to us that will break us apart. It is completely illogical to expect to live happily ever after."

"Who said anything about 'happily'?" he inserted, but she continued on as if she hadn't heard.

"We are too different for that anyways. You would want to get married, but I don't believe in marriage. And you are a religious person. I don't really see the logic in religion. That would be a problem for us. And what about kids? I know you would want more children -"

Here, he effectively cut her off with a, "So do you Bones. Unless you have changed your mind again in the last week or so." While she was temporarily speechless he continued, "And as for marriage, we wouldn't have to ever get married. We could live perfectly happy lives together without ever officially getting married. Any other differences we have can be worked out. If they haven't broken our partnership up yet, I don't see why they ever should."

"But I have never had a really committed relationship. I don't know if I can" she countered secretly overjoyed that he seemed to remember enough about the two of them to effectively overrule all of the problems she could come up with.

"So you have commitment issues? We have been together for four years now and you haven't felt the need to run yet. And I haven't left yet. I'm not going to. You can't get rid of me."

For a long moment, they simply stared at each other from across the table in utter silence. She was waiting for any flicker of doubt to cross his face or another reason this couldn't work to occur to her. He was waiting for her to see the truth behind what he had just said. He would never leave her as long as he had any say in it. It was still too early to say 'I love you' but he hoped that he had managed to convince her to give them a chance.

Finally a brilliant smile broke out across her face and he was reminded of the picture in her parent's file. She looked unbelievably happy, and this time he was the reason. The next thing he knew, she was next to him with her arms wrapped around his neck and her lips not quite touching his. "You can't get rid of me either" she whispered just before she brought her lips to his for a _real_ kiss.

*~BONES~*

**Author's Note: I hope that this newest installment lives up to the expectation of my readers and is not too fluffy, although we all love a little B/B fluff. As always I appreciate feedback in the form of questions, sugestions, or constructive critisism. Thank you to all of those who have taken the time to continue to review my stories, you are the primary reason I keep writing them. The next part will probably be loaded no later than Wednesday, but I make no promises.**


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